How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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