I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize