Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
