I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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