Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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