how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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