There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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