can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We were destined to go to rehab together
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize