did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
