I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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