I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
