So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
