And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
