best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
