He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
