marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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