and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
