Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
organizing the empties. That sober.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
