If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
