So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
