My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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