I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
