You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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