Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
