btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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