You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
