Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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