halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
