apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
