Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
