That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
