Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize