I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
