i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
