yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
