I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
