I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
