You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
