Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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