Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
