i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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