Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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