I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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