after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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