we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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