I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize