the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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