there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
