last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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