My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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