my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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