i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
