hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
