You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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