how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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