I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
