Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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