Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
