we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
