I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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