the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
