By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
