I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
