No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
