Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
