Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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