I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
