I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
