i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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