i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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