Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
