I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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